Defeating Flabbus

When your health hinges on finding a way to enjoy exercise, think outside the box.

When your health hinges on finding a way to enjoy exercise, think outside the box. Photo by Courtesy Amber Helsel

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I hate running.

I hate exercise. I hate healthy food. I love boneless wings and cheese sticks and cookies, and I love "World of Warcraft."

In college, the game was a way for me to wind down in my stressful life, and it ignited my imagination because I've always loved knights and ladies and dragons and the like.

I frequent gaming websites, and I read about people losing weight by playing the game while on a stationery bike or a treadmill. All it takes is a simple hack to an exercise machine, and an obese man could lose 100 pounds just by questing and running around Azeroth. They are inspiring people, but I'm not a handyman, so I can't attach my laptop to a treadmill and play while running.

I've always had weight problems, like everyone else, but mine are more serious because of the fact that I'm fully grown at 5'2" and have belly fat. Doctors and my mother have told me for years that the way this extra weight is carried could lead to diabetes and other horrid things.

Their warnings never carried much weight until my most recent doctor's appointment, when it was discovered that my triglycerides were double the normal level. This basically translates to high cholesterol. They asked me to come back in three months for more blood work.

Frightened by that notion, I listened this time and tried my hardest to fix it, but two and a half months in, I was still 165. I made some changes, such as having a smoothie every morning to help with the lack of fruit in my diet, but the changes didn't seem to be enough. I knew something had to change, though, because losing weight wasn't the only goal anymore. I was really scared that my doctor would put me on cholesterol medication at the age of 23.

I've had many arguments with my boyfriend Jon about all of this. He promised to help me time and time again, but what did he do? What every man does for their lady. He gave me what I wanted. He told me I was beautiful and that he didn't think I was fat, even though we both knew he did. I got fed up one night, tired of trying different things and failing every time. I told him that he needed to come up with a plan. I was out of ideas.

He mulled it over for a few days, and when he started formulating a plan, all I could get from him was that it involved a point system, and I would get prizes later on. He emailed me the plane late one night, and due to his love of video games, I wasn't surprised by the title.

It read, "The Demise of Flabbus the Large." It was a quest.

Without going into the details, the Adventurer--that's me--is asked by High Lord John B'rant--a character named after Jon--to defeat a monster named Flabbus. He is guarded by Dark Lord Kohless ter'Houlis, whom I have to get through before the final battle. To do this, I must strengthen body and mind, and I must walk a mile and a half five days a week to get to my destination. The quest takes place over a few months, broken down to by week. There are ongoing tasks, such as the walking and doing yoga in the morning and before bed. Other tasks include eating greens and trying new fruits and even taking a whiff of a candy bar and throwing it away for extra points.

Like "World of Warcraft," I get experience points for each thing I do, bonus points for the extreme things I do--like the candy bar thing. Unfortunately, the xp works like the game--I don't get the points if I don't do the tasks every day. To make this easier, I take photos of my daily walk, the food I eat, and some of the things I do, and I put them onto a blog and write some post to the High Lord about my day.

Even now, as I sit here writing this, I want to slip back into my old habits. I want Coke and sweet tea, and I want to be able to eat a cheese stick and not worry about calories or whether or not I'm about to get heartburn.

But the idea of this being a quest keeps me wanting to try hard, even though I hate doing all these things. I ate a handful of almonds, and the other night I made kale chips. I never do any of those things. This is easier than going on some fad diet like Weight Watchers or using weight-loss pills. Believe me, I've been on Weight Watchers. It works, but it doesn't really instill the value of eating right. I lost 20 pounds on the program, but I gained it back within a matter of months because I didn't know how to eat right. I spent most of my time during Weight Watchers counting points.

I am counting points on this, but the points aren't calories. They're evidence of my efforts, evidence that I'm trying, and there's no turning back. Things haven't been perfect. I let rain be my excuse to not walk and then don't exercise, and some days I forget to take photos or write posts. I do try in other areas, though. I do yoga every morning and night, and I try to fit healthy eating into my busy schedule. These small steps are what moves me forward.

It gets easier. I will say that. I'm beginning to enjoy yoga, though I still find it hard to take my attention away from a TV show or get out of bed early. I still hate walking and running, and the rain makes it harder to do it, but quitting is no longer an option. It's a slow process. The journey is long. I have months until I reach the destination, but I will reach it. Just the other day, I looked at the scale and saw 160. This means that for the first time in two years, I might be able to break out of the 160s.

To keep up with my progress on the quest, visit thedefeatofflabbus.blogspot.com.

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