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[Stiggers] Work It, Miss Wanda

Bonqweesha Jones: "Welcome to 'Lookin' Good in the 'Hood Ghetto Make Over' television show, brought to you by the Hair Did University School of Cosmetology. Tonight my H.D.U. students will transform a plain Crunchie Burga World employee into a well-dressed individual.

[Stiggers] A Mass Choir In Denial

Boneqweesha Jones: "It's time for the 'Qweesha Live Television Magazine Movie Preview for 2010'! My movie pick for the new decade of the new millennium is 'The Bottom Line is Money,' a documentary film by Kunta 'Rahsheed X' Toby, the Gordon Parks of the Ghetto.

[Stiggers] DuBois' Talented Tenth

This is your resident satirist returning with another Reader's Guide to Ken Stiggers. Today, I want to share my thoughts behind "Ghetto Science Team," a term I frequently use in my column.

[Stiggers] Too Blessed To Be Stressed

Rev. Cletus: "Blessings to all who endure tough times in an economic recession! This is your car-sales pastor broadcasting on Ghetto Science Satellite Radio. I have a shameless plug in the form of a riddle for my devoted listeners: What has a 5.0 V8 Cleveland engine, a rebuilt transmission and a 1997 Volvo body?

[Stiggers] Turkey Day Parade

Miss Doodle Mae: "As the holiday season approaches, Jojo's Discount Dollar Store is gearing up for a special event during Thanksgiving. It's an event the financially challenged community will enjoy."

[Stiggers] The Four-Way Test

Miss Doodle Mae: "The staff of Jojo's Discount Dollar Store just finished the daily staff meeting, similar to the meeting seen on the television series ‘Hill Street Blues.' Our morning meeting is a great opportunity to prepare for the work day."

[Sue Doh Nem] Rufus The Plumber

Smokey Robinson McBride: "While the presidential candidates garner votes by using common folk as metaphors to make a political statement, I want to introduce to the public an invisible man from the funky ghetto named Rufus Hardaway, the lowly, licensed master plumber and Summa Cum Laude graduate of the Cootie Creek Vocational School.

[Stiggers] You Lie!

Boneqweesha Jones: "Welcome to the motivational portion of Hair Did University's fall semester orientation. Our guest speaker is Smokey 'Robinson' McBride, representative of Ghetto Science Team District No. 1042 and 2/8."

[Stiggers] Common Trauma Ward

Judy McBride: "Allow me to provide you with a glimpse of mental-health conditions seldom recognized by the general public. Let's take a brief journey through Ward 6 and 3/5, also known as 'Almost 7.'

[Stiggers] Tuning the Toyotillac

Mr. Announcement: "Live from the Clubb Chicken Wing Multi-Purpose Complex, G-SPAN (the Ghetto-Satellite Public Affairs Network) presents a brief press conference held by Big Deacon Jones, chairman of the deacon board, head mechanic and company spokesperson of Rev. Cletus' Car Sales Church.

[Stiggers] Little Bit of Change

Miss Doodle Mae: "Finally, it looks like this winter's cold spell has broken. Trees covered with white blossoms decorate the ghetto landscape. The street corners and hangout spots are alive with unemployed folk, winos and beggars."

[Stiggers] Sick as a Doggie

Cootie McBride: "Greetings! I'm here to represent the members of the Ghetto Science Team's Pet Owners Consortium. My clients and I have filed a class action suit against companies who make and sell contaminated and/or poisonous pet food. I was compelled to act immediately after Sista Church Hat, owner of a dog named Alonso, said this alarming phrase to me: 'Pets have dropped dead like raining cats and dogs!'

[Stiggers] Too Nasty

Mr. Announcement: "G-SPAN presents live coverage of the Ghetto Science Community Health Care Reform Clinic grand opening. The clinic is the newest addition to the Club Chicken

[Stiggers] Our Time Has Come

Congressman Smokey "Robinson" McBride: "Greetings, Ghetto Science community! I am proud to announce that our stimulus package has come!

[Stiggers] Enduring Money Stress

Rudy McBride: "Many of my loyal customers are concerned about how the Let Me Hold Five Dollars National Bank will hold up under the U.S. government and Ghetto Science Team's economic stress tests."

[Sue Doh Nem] Hop On the Bus

Rev. Cletus: "This is your car-selling pastor on the Ghetto Science Radio Network, broadcasting live from my lube and oil change garage. Please excuse the background noise; my mechanics are busy refurbishing several Double Dutch Church buses for our new Rapid Transit Public Church Bus System.

[Stiggers] As the Oil Flows

Boneqweesha Jones: "It's the ‘Qweesha Live 2010 Weekly World Report.' It looks like this summer is putting the heat on world and corporate leaders. Case in point is the president. It seems like the nation, media and Congress are sweating him about the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.

[Stiggers] Make A Friend If You Can

Miss Doodle Mae: "This holiday season, folks are counting down to more cutbacks. The mantra for the shameless corporate executives is cut back, back, back. Business decisions to eliminate jobs to enable CEO bonuses and privileges slit the throats of today's workers who bleed hopelessness, fear, apathy and desperation."

[Stiggers] Getting a Piece of Mine

Mr. Announcement: "From the producers of the hit reality TV series 'Ghetto's Most Craziest Videos' is a new television show for economically challenged individuals seeking to justify using force to achieve peace and security within their own living space.

[Stiggers] High Hopes in 2009

Chef Fat Meat: "Despite all the terrible things that poor and middle-class folks have suffered throughhome foreclosures, job layoffs, natural disasters, loss of medical benefits and moreit's time to lift up our burdened heads to see the stars in times of darkness.

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