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[Stiggers] The Hippest Anchorwoman in the World

The following is an abbreviated transcript of the E! Network's urban news and entertainment show "Boneqweesha Live."

[Stiggers] Come Chill at Clubb Chicken Wing

Has the election got you down? Join the "Financially Challenged" at the hippest and least expensive place in town, Clubb Chicken Wing. As food, gas and energy prices increase, the only thing you can afford at a club these days is a chicken-wing snack!

[Stiggers] Watch That Indecent Exposure

The following is an excerpt from the new E! program, "Mo'tel William's Celebrity Interview," with special guest, the Godfather of Soul, James Brown.

[Stiggers] Handle Yo' Bidness

Live from Grandma Pookie's kitchen: It's the Ghetto Science Team's syndicated pirate radio show "Handle Yo' Bid-Ness with Lil' Ray-Ray."

[Stiggers] Qweemy, Qweemy Black History Moment

The Cream-O-Wheat Foodbank Foundation's "Bigg Hott Pot in the Back for the World" presents a Qweemy, Qweemy Black History Moment by the Qweem-O-Wheat Man.

[Stiggers] A Lap Dance For Medicaid

On this episode of "All God's Churn Got Shoes," the Right, Reverend "Chicken Bone" Jones conducts a morality campaign and protest rally across the street from the Mystical Magic City strip club, bar, grill and dollar store. From an elevated platform, he delivers an urgent message to a small crowd.

[Stiggers] The ‘No Child Left Behind' School Bus

Funding for the Ghetto Science Team's No Child Left Behind School Bus for the financially challenged is brought to you by a grant from the L.M.H.F.D. (Let Me Hold Five Dollars) National Bank educational trust fund.

[Stiggers] 40 Acres And A Fool

Readin' Rain-Bro Is brought to you by contributions from the International Electric Slide Foundation and The Ghetto Science Team's Trust Fund.

[Stiggers] Yes, You Have Rights

The "Nu Apprentice: First Hired, Last Fired," starring Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, will return after this message.

[Stiggers] Not Even A Cadillac

Readin' Rain-Bro is brought to you by the Let Me Hold Five Dollars National Bank Emergency Aid Fund and the Cootie McBride Help the Financially Challenged Debt Consolidation Centers of America.

[Stiggers] Your Car is a Hoopty When..

Your international hustler is here to help the peoples who drive their raggedy cars to a low-paying, no- Medicaid-benefits job with the greatest invention since the Pocket Fisherman.

[Stiggers] Fun In The ‘Hood

Ghetto Theme and Amusement Parks of America presents "Fun Summer Alternatives with Ghetto Economist Pookie Peters":

[Stiggers] Denials Without Confessions

Network affiliates, Other Brotha/Funkee Finger Productions present "Denials without Confessions," a fresh, exciting and controversial soap opera for this spring. Here is a rough promotion/synopsis of first episode: Supa producer, TV talk-show host, herbal Viagra distributor, root doctor and investigative journalist Mo'tel Williams seeks the "buckey nekkid" truth within a scandal-ridden nation in denial.

[Stiggers] Broke on a Fixed Income

G-SPAN (Ghetto-Science Public Affairs Network) proudly presents our premiere bootleg broadcast of the Ghetto Science Team's Financially Challenged Economic Summit 2005, with keynote speaker Grandma Pookie.

[Stiggers] Watch Yo' Metaphors, Similes and Allegories

The following is an editorial from chief linguist Dr. Trey Cognac Courvoisier Jackson Jr. of the James Brown "Say It Loud" Ebonics Speech Therapy Centers of America.

[Stiggers] Tips From Hair-Did University

Boneqweesha Jones, the president of Hair-Did University's Schools of Cosmetology, Hair Styling and On-the-scene reporting, addresses the freshman class: "To each member of the freshman class, I'm pleased that you did the right thing in the midst of tough times by choosing H.D.U. for your post-secondary education. We poor folk must pay the 'high' price because we allowed ourselves to be 'okie-doked' (tricked) by the 'American Scream.'

[Stiggers] Angry Moments In Black History

Bruh Jojo: "Thirty years ago, I was one of the first black students to attend a predominately white, private high school. I encountered my most challenging moment during an American history class. The lesson of the day covered slavery, chapter 8, page 246 of the freshman American history book. All of the attention fell on me, Jojo, the black kid, as Mr. Jones asked me to read out loud brief paragraphs about slavery, Harriet Tubman, Frederick Douglass and Abraham Lincoln.

[Stiggers] Bring Your Own Soap

Picture this scene: You're at home in the dark without water, gas and telephone because you cannot afford to pay your utility bills. You seek help from your neighbor. But you also discover that he or she is in the same predicament. Frustration, desperation and depression stab at you like the prongs of a pitchfork—indeed, a sticky situation. You question your moment of suffering: Is a rich person's heaven a poor person's hell?

[Stiggers] The Drive on Washington

"It's Boneqweesha, live from the Million Motorist March and Car Pool on Washington, D.C. Millions of financially challenged motorists are scheduled to arrive at the nation's capital to protest rising gasoline prices. Attendance is low right now because a small group of marchers have arrived on foot, and car poolers continue to drive at low speeds or end up stranded on the highways. Momma Church Hat has a bird's-eye view from the Praise-the-Lawd-O-Copter."

[Sue Doh Nem] Loving the Lie

Judy McBride: "Welcome to 'What's on Your Mind,' a Ghetto Science Television holiday special. Our topic: Pre-traumatic holiday depression of unemployed and financially challenged individuals. Join me, Judy McBride, Ghetto Science Team psychologist, as I delve into the mind of Mr. Philmo Jones, former urban professional and third-shift manager of the Suburban Y'all Mart.

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