Rev. Cletus: "Welcome to another Rev. Cletus Car Sales Church radio broadcast. This is your car-sales pastor proclaiming the good news that God is in the blessing business in times like these."
Mr. Announcement: "In the ghetto criminal-justice system, the people are represented by members of the newly established Ghetto Science Community Peace Keeping Unit."
Miss Doodle Mae: "A lot of Jojo's Discount Dollar Store employees are concerned about their futures because of possible budget cuts on social, health-care and educational programs. Worry, apathy and depression consumes the morale of the staff."
"The politicians are diligent, persistent and determined to establish a health-care oligarchy. The tables are tilted toward the rich, and the game is rigged against the poor."
Mr. Announcement: "Ghetto Science Public Affairs Network television presents coverage of Clubb Chicken Wing's Emergency Preparedness and Strategic Planning Hot Wing Happy Hour. Your moderator for this session is Congressman Smokey 'Robinson' McBride."
Brother Hustle: "Welcome to this very important Compensatory Investment Request Support Group meeting. While democracy transitions into an oligarchy, the common, poor and financially challenged communities must brace themselves for a severe beatdown."
Miss Doodle Mae: "In a time of 'fake news' and 'alternative facts,' Jojo's Discount Dollar Store has become a safe haven for the common people."
"As we usher in a new year of fake news, computer hackery, twitter rants, racist emails, bigoted trolls, etc., my special guests and I will do our best to combat the abuse of technology and provide honest journalism in 2017."
Big Roscoe: "Little Mama Roscoe and I have big plans to celebrate the remaining days of 2016 at Clubb Chicken Wing. Despite the numerous and unfortunate executions of poor people, law enforcement, former NFL football players, etc., the hard-working Clubb Chicken Wing staff will continue to serve its loyal customers with a special holiday event called 'The Eight Days of Christmas Hot Wing Happy Hour for World Peace and Sanity.'
"Jojo's Discount Dollar Store will host a series of weekly 'New Era Transition Holiday Sales Events.' Look out for weekly events in isle 7-and-2/5, starting with the 'Post Election Meltdown Mental Health Therapy Summit,' which psychologist Judy McBride is hosting. All President-elect Trump supporters are invited to attend."